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    Thursday, May 15, 2008

    Rite of Spring: Yellow Book, Yer All Wet

    I rarely, if ever, use the phone book. I look up numbers on the internet. I don't look at the yellow pages or at those display ads in the yellow pages. I am among those whom Bill Gates predicted has stopped using the paper yellow pages, and nearly all people under 50 will join me in the next 5 years, if they haven't already.

    Every Spring, a new phone book is delivered to the house. Yesterday was no different. It was dropped on my front door step, as always, in a loose plastic bag, open on one end. As always, I didn't spot it till the morning after (meaning, I spotted it this morning). As always, the loose plastic bag did not protect it from the overnight Spring rain. So, I have a brand new Yellow Book ("not the other book!") that I don't even want, and even if I did, it is 100% waterlogged and ruined. And, it seems to me, that once a phone book has been so thoroughly soaked, it isn't even recyclable, should I be so inclined to try. And I'm not. It'll sit in a deceptively heavy white trash bag, just like similarly saturated used kitty litter, only less useful.

    Thanks for nothing, Yellow Book. Not that I really give a damn that my phone book is ruined, as I wasn't going to use it anyway. But thanks for leaving your trash on my doorstep, just so I can waste a trash bag on it to send it straight to the landfill. And thanks for charging thousands of dollars to all of those fools who buy display ads in your book, just so you can deliver those books all half-assed so they get ruined in the rain. You really should get together with the fine folks at the AARP, and make phone books something that AARP members receive, and leave the rest of us out of it.

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    Comments on "Rite of Spring: Yellow Book, Yer All Wet"

     

    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (9:17 AM, May 15, 2008) : 

    it seems that lots of things come to their end on our front porch. packages. telephone books. plants.

     

    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:31 AM, May 16, 2008) : 

    Get over yourself. If you don't want the phone book, recycle it. I'm getting tired of reading wimpy complaints from geeks like you. You should spend more time outside and away from that PC. Nah, you'd be just as annoying outside. Get your twinkie and get back on the laptop so you can cry some more.

     

    Blogger Matt said ... (11:29 AM, May 16, 2008) : 

    "I'm getting tired of reading wimpy complaints from geeks like you. You should spend more time outside and away from that PC."

    Hello, kettle. You're black.
    Who's forcing you to read this blog? BTW, have they built that gas station/car wash in UH yet? Can't wait for that impending crime wave and urban blight, woohoo!

     

    Blogger Joe said ... (12:45 PM, May 16, 2008) : 

    It really is a waste anymore to print the phone books. And I can't tell you how many times people call the library to ask for a local phone number instead of looking in their own phone book or using the internet. So what is the point to print a hard copy anymore...

     

    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:08 PM, May 16, 2008) : 

    First ... Joe. Sounds like you work at the library. Good for you.
    That's almost like public service. Admirable.

    If anyone calls the library looking for a phone number you have my permission to hang up on them after giving them a expletive filled order to get off their ass.

    Matt ... Go take another bong hit.

    "BTW, have they built that gas station/car wash in UH yet? Can't wait for that impending crime wave and urban blight".

    What the hell does that mean ?

    BTW, guys that use the term 'woohoo' usually spent most of middle school in a locker.

    My advice to you ? Stay in your bedroom with your Barbie doll and crayons. Sort those dresses in your closet.

    Speaking of closets, maybe it's time to come out of your's. Try your Yellow Pages under the heading of 'Sex Change'.

     

    Blogger Audient said ... (7:29 AM, May 17, 2008) : 

    ^^^I wouldn't be so fast to rip on someone else if, at 8:08pm on a Friday evening, I had nothing better to do than leave anonymous comments on a blog. And the Cavs were even on!

    Matt -- no they haven't built the gas station/car wash yet. Not sure if they are going to. Looks like we may be stuck keeping that blighted plaza.

     

    Blogger Matt said ... (12:07 PM, May 18, 2008) : 

    Thanks, Audient. And my apologies to Anonymous, who I mistakenly thought was a previous mystery poster upset about the car wash. Turns out that this Anonymous is a different jackass.

    Speaking of middle school, I used to call people gay when I was thirteen too. Don't worry--you'll become an adult someday.

     

    Blogger Audient said ... (10:42 AM, May 19, 2008) : 

    I allow anonymous comments on my blog, despite the increased likelihood of jackassery by people who won't man up and stand by their words.

     

    Blogger Jess Awesome said ... (2:22 PM, May 22, 2008) : 

    Don't you love it when your blog incites a virtual riot?

    My phone book is sitting in the lobby of my apartment building, in a stack of other phone books that nobody wants. It's sad, really. They just sit there, like homeless people. They have something to offer, but nobody wants it.

    I like your blog, and I don't think you're a nerdy whiner.

     

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