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    Tuesday, December 04, 2007

    Tuesday Talkback

    Moaners! I talk back.

    “People whine about gas prices, but they think nothing of waiting and waiting and waiting in a long line at a fast food drive-through. I wonder how much gasoline Americans waste like that? Hey, people, there’s one drive through line and maybe three cash registers if you would just walk in!” — Shaker Heights

    Nevermind the gas prices. It is more important to exert one's body as little as possible when purchasing and consuming a Big Mac. With 540 calories, 29 grams of fat, and 1040mg of sodium -- you pretty much have to take that sitting down. You don't want your heart to seize up between the parking lot and the cash register. Though I've been known to take that risk.

    “The only thing worse than country music is Christmas country music.” — Parma

    Is this worse than that?

    “A plea to pharmaceutical companies: What’s so wonderful about all those round pills which frequently fall on the floor and roll away so they are hard to find? How about a shape that doesn’t roll, like oval or square?” — Mayfield Heights

    Hey butterfingers, how about you try putting your pills in your mouth and not on the floor? And if you drop any shape pill on a hard floor, it is going to take a bounce whether it is round, square, or diamond shaped with rounded corners.

    “When are the Cleveland police going to ticket cars parked under NO STOPPING signs during certain hours? Might as well not have the signs.” — Cleveland

    Forget ticketing. Send out the hook! Let's not waste the time of our law enforcement officials. Send out the hook! Or maybe we should just take pictures of the parked cars and mail them a ticket. Nah. Send out the hook!

    “First Strongsville Mayor Perciak raises our taxes, now he uses a staff of city employees to create his Winter Wonderland on the town square. And don’t forget about the copper-trimmed fire station palace on Prospect. We miss Wally Ehrnfelt!” — no city
    Well, old Wally is dead and gone. Get over it. And if you'd rather live in a dumpy looking city, move to Euclid.

    “A 19-year-old Saudi woman was gang-raped. Her attackers were given jail sentences. She was also punished with 200 lashes and six months in jail for being in a car with a male non-relative when the attack occurred. All this brought to you by our friends the Saudis. Ah, the power of oil. P.S. I think the punishment for the attackers should have been an alternative type of beheading.” — Euclid

    I think it is great that a castration comment made it into Monday Moaning. So the Saudis will chop off the hand of a thief, but they don't "behead" the offending members of rapists. And yes, they blame the victim for being in the wrong place with the wrong men without a proper chaperone or whatever. The Saudi treatment of women is more than appalling. And this is our ally? No wonder we needed to turn Iraq into a permanent base.

    “To my rude, lazy, and inconsiderate sisters-in-law who did not lift a finger to help clean up the Thanksgiving Day dishes. Shame on all of you!” — Twinsburg

    Next time, serve them on paper plates. Or not at all, if it is such a big flippin deal.
    “Is it because the evening news is on for 1½ hours each evening and other times during the day, that the editors find it necessary to talk about movie stars, celebrities, their personal lives, ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ ‘American Idol’ and other programs? I find this disgusting and not newsworthy at all. It used to be we’d pick up a movie magazine or TV Guide if we wanted all this information and more. The news media promotes and sensationalizes this garbage! Now it is constantly in our living rooms, like war, whether we like it or not.” — Westlake

    Wow, American Idol is like the war? Really? I guess Cheney is like Simon, and Bush is like Paula (but not as articulate and just as sober).

    “The current cable franchise, now in its second year, is about to raise the rates again. While it has stonewalled efforts by NFL and Big Ten networks to make those programs available to basic customers, the cable company has moved the Ohio News Network and now C-Span 2 from its basic programming to a higher tiered package. This leaves basic subscribers paying more to get less. Hurry, bring on the competition!” — Cleveland Heights

    I've been a satisfied customer of DirecTV since 2003. All you people whining about cable, you have a choice, and you've had one for some time.

    “All the local TV stations have new ‘improved’ weather maps with green, pink, purple, yellow, etc., but, hello, none of the weather people tell us what those colors mean. To paraphrase Chicken Little, ‘Help, help the purple is coming.’” — Strongsville

    Don't you mean, "The Purple is falling?" Jesus, get it right! This isn't hard! Chicken Little, not Paul Revere!

    “Why don’t restaurants that serve hamburgers have relish available?” — Westlake

    Steak n Shake does. Why go anywhere else? Unless you want a Big Mac. Or a salt lick. Is that my heart?

    “Recently on the news a reporter was interviewing people waiting to attend a Hannah Montana concert in Florida. One father had paid $400 so his daughter (age 4) could attend. Another paid $800. When these girls grow up and go to college they will probably have to take out loans!” — Lyndhurst

    You think these girls are going to college? They way they are tasting sugar at this age, their daddies will be lucky just to keep them off the pole.

    “Perusing the New York Times and the New Yorker magazine, I wonder if others are as incredulous as I am at some of the ads: H. Winston bracelet for $33,000 — Shrubule ring for $10,000 — Chanel earrings for $8,300 — Tourneau watch for $12,950.” — no city

    What, no necklace ad? How can anyone get all that, but not wear a necklace?

    “The Plain Dealer runs all these stories about the sad financial situation of Northeast Ohioans. Yet, they publish gift ideas that include a faux fur throw for $1,229 or a Dale Chihuly Original with the price tag of $28,000. Make up your mind. Are we swimming in money or applying in droves for jobs at Wal-Mart?” — Akron

    The answer is -- we are both. This isn't Flint, Michigan. We aren't all eating the rabbits we can't give away as pets. Only some of us are, between filling out job applications at Steelyard Commons. And some of us are shopping at Beachwood Place, and the Shops at Eton, and a few other places far too exclusive to mention here.

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    Comments on "Tuesday Talkback"


    Blogger MrsTito said ... (4:03 PM, December 05, 2007) : 

    Who the heck eats relish on a hamburger?


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