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    Tuesday, September 18, 2007

    Tuesday Talkback

    The moaning is back, and so is talkback.

    “Why doesn’t someone on the food channel tell Rachael Ray to tie her hair back? She has brushed her hair back with her hand and put it right back in the food. Disgusting.” — No city

    When Rachael Ray cooks on TV, she is not cooking food for you to eat. She is not working in a restaurant. The dish she is preparing is not being served to customers. And even if it were, she can touch my food all she wants. So, no, the Food Network is not going to dress her in some institutional outfit with a hairnet like she is working in a cafeteria. Of course, she should cover up so she doesn't risk an unfortunate and nasty burn. I hope that hot fudge isn't too, um, hot.

    “What is this new fad, the fire pit? Can’t have the windows open because they pollute the air until the early morning. Incinerators were outlawed and so should the fire pit.” — Parma

    That new fad, fire -- goes with the other new fad, the wheel.

    “Does anyone remember when public officials used to run for office to serve us? They now, piece by piece, serve us on platters.” — Cleveland

    No, we don't. Does anyone remember a time when old farts didn't wax nostalgic for good ol' days that never were? Newsflash: in the past, people caught polio, women couldn't vote, and black people were property. Those are NOT good ol' days. As for your platter thing, I don't know what you're trying to say. Did I miss a story about the government's new Soylent Green initiative?

    “What is with the disgusting parents who are discarding used diapers in parking lots? The morning after our church’s Saturday night festival, we got out of our car for Sunday Mass and found a dirty diaper dumped in the lot. Two weekends later, we attended the Cleveland air show and came back to our car and found another dirty diaper tossed on the ground. If you can’t bother taking these disgusting carriers of urine and feces to a trash can, take them home with you and dispose of them there! With parents like these, it’s no wonder so many children have total disregard for this planet and the other people on it!” — Parma Heights.

    Just two weeks ago, someone was moaning about kids who go without diapers (and use the treelawn), and now we have this moan. Look for it, these are the first of several moans on the subject, just like the series on tipping and loud pipes on motorcycles. As for all of these disposable diapers, when the alien archaeologists come and excavate our landfills, we can only imagine what they'll think of our propensity to preserve shit in little packages and entomb it for all time.

    “I found it to be extremely low of the owner of Cleats in Strongsville to talk to me like I was one of his flunkies when I was just trying to give him a tip for a new location. Way to go, idiot. You’ll never see a dime of my money spent in your establishment again.” — Middleburg Heights

    Small business owners are constantly hit with "suggestions" for how to better run their business. You may think you are being helpful. But really, what makes you think you know better than him how to expand his business? A little presumptuous of you, don't you think? I suspect he didn't ask you for your advice of where he should open his next store. And that isn't to say that these guys don't want some feedback, especially if there has been a lapse in service or something. But you offer unsolicited advice about where to open another store, and when he doesn't fawn over you and your "brilliant" idea, you decide you can go eat wings and beer somewhere else. Well, there is a nice wing joint over in Brooklyn that I could recommend, but the owner seems like a nice fellow, and I wouldn't want to turn you loose on him.

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    Comments on "Tuesday Talkback"


    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (11:02 AM, September 18, 2007) : 

    You have the hots for Rachael? Really? Is it the black bra? The sexualization of kitchen utensils? Her eyes look dead in that picture. I can imagine the photographer saying, "Closer to your lips." "The chocolate has to touch your lips." "Look at me." "Think sexy." "Open a little wider." "Move your arm so I can get all of your breast."

    I like watching her show but I've never thought of her as particularly sexy.


    Blogger Audient said ... (12:43 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    I don't really have the hots for Rachael Ray. I just think it is funny to imply I have the hots for Rachael Ray. The FHM photos are cute and all, but that voice of hers would be a turn off. Also her constant use of the abbreviation EVOO would get on my nerves.


    Blogger Mr. Bebout said ... (2:00 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    WHat I don't liek abou the EVOO is that it is always followed by her telling you what it stands for, which makes it longer than just saying it.


    Blogger Audient said ... (2:30 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    exactly, and why would you use anything but extra virgin olive oil? unless you want something more neutral in flavor, but then again, why would you want that?

    I say "olive oil" -- 3 syllables. when you see the green hue of it, unless you are a total kitchen novice, you know it is extra virgin.


    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (3:45 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    I'm going to pose with kitchen utensils and dessert sauces for your very own calendar. Merry Christmas.


    Blogger Audient said ... (4:04 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    and not one comment about the Soylent Green.


    Blogger Kathleen said ... (4:51 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    Soylent Green is people!


    Anonymous melcarrel said ... (5:46 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    I totally lost respect for Rachael Ray when I first saw that picture. I love the food network, and yes, food is very sensual, but I just don't want to visualize those foodies as sex symbols. Sorry.


    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (9:24 PM, September 18, 2007) : 

    Mario Batali is zexy. How about his manpris (thank you Perez) over the back of a chair in your bedroom with those orange clogs arranged neatly on the floor underneath them?

    Molto Mario!


    Anonymous s. green said ... (6:35 AM, September 19, 2007) : 

    Its people!


    Blogger anne said ... (10:33 AM, September 19, 2007) : 

    I wouldn't mind seeing Bobby Flay's khakis tossed across my room. He looks like he'd be...enthusiastic.

    Mr. Bebout, that has been my complaint about Rachel Ray since the beginning.

    Maybe they can start a new Food Network show with soylent green as the main ingredient in all the dishes. There can be an Emeril-ish catch phrase at the end "It's PEOPLE!" I am so awesome, this is Food Network gold, baby!!


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