Bear with Furniture
|Single men don't live like people at all -- they live like bears with furniture.|
-- Rita Rudner
While I am definetly no longer single, especially so since July 21, this past weekend was my first weekend home alone without the wife. The wife, you see, took her sister (and her sister's cello) to Boston where sis will soon be starting graduate studies at the New England Conservatory. And as long as Gina was going to be in Boston, she decided to make a weekend of it. Which was great. But this left me home alone -- if you don't count Tito and Lola.
Gina left Friday morning. All day at work I wondered what I might do to "celebrate" my weekend of "freedom." You know, something fun and special to do that might take my mind off of missing my wife.
While other men might have done a pub crawl, gone to the strip clubs, called for a hooker -- I indulged in a completely different way.
About a week before the wedding, Gina and I went to Dean Supply to pick up things for the reception -- such as that snazzy roll of red and white checkered table covering. While we were there, I spotted my personal holy grail of ice icream toppings. As Kristen and others can attest to, my absolute favorite ice cream topping is peanut butter sauce. And no grcoery store I've ever seen carries it -- butterscotch, fudge, caramel -- sure, but no peanut butter. Some people have tried to tell me that peanut butter topping on ice cream is just peanut butter, but they are wrong -- I know this, because I have tried spooning peanut butter from a jar onto ice cream with generally poor results. Even the Hershey stores, which sell all other things Reese's, act like it doesn't exist. Well it does exist, dammit. I remember the chocolatier and ice cream store that used to be at Shaker Square, and I remember seeing the big jar of Reese's Peanut Butter topping -- not to be confused with their peanut butter.
And, with that fateful trip to Dean Supply, I saw they carried it! Seriously! Here it was, all this time. With this jar, no more going to UDF and watching them squirt a paltry smidgen of peanut butter sauce on a sundae. No more going to DQ and asking them to substitute peanut butter for the fudge in the Peanut Buster Parfait. Gina did not share my enthusiasm for my find, and pointed out that if we weren't serving it, we weren't buying it that day -- which made sense -- because there is so much cool shit at Dean Supply, that if coolness and desireability were the criteria for whether we bought it, we never would have made it out of there!
So on Friday, I split work early to go to the BMV and renew my license. (Yay, the child molester pic is no more!) But before I went to the BMV, I went to Dean Supply. And I bought my peanut butter topping. It was just nine dollars and change for an ice cream shoppe sized jar a little smaller than the size of my head.
I knew I had Vanilla Fudge Haagen-Daz at home. Soon, that would not be enough. For on Friday night, I had the sundae of the gods. And on Saturday, while I was out at Legacy Village, I stopped by Giant Eagle for clamato juice and Breyers vanilla. (First I stopped at CPK for lunch, and had the Kung Pao Spaghetti and a couple of mojitos and chatted up the bartender about our respective fantasy football drafts -- but that is another story.) So I went home, made a peanut butter and vanilla sunday, ate it, and now full of kung pao, mojito and rich peanutbuttery goodness, I passed out on the couch for a couple of hours. Till Tito walked on me.
I've barely made a dent in that jar. And when Gina gets home this evening she's going to see it on the counter and be all WTF, probably. And I'll say, matter of factly, that I've found that while the sauce is thinner than ordinary peanut butter, microwaving it for a minute really makes it the right consistency for drizzling all over the ice cream. And happily, there is still plenty of ice cream in the freezer, regardless of whether she wants any peanut butter topping. I know she likes Breyer's vanilla, and I didn't touch the chocolate chip cookie dough (which she loves) -- even though I know from going to UDF that peanut butter topping on chocolate chip cookie dough is wonderful -- even on the Blue Moo variety of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream -- upon which the peanut butter topping looks very strange -- but one spoonful and I can look right past that.
Oh, and I better clean the living room before she gets home. Pick up any stray laundry and beer bottles. Find my wedding ring and make sure that hooker is gone. Kidding of course -- except for the part about the peanut butter. If you like that sort of thing, stop by, I still have a shit load of it.