|The online edition has FOUR PAGES of moans.|
Gina suggested to me yesterday that these moans can't be for real, and that they must be made up. I know they are real to some degree (or at least were at one time), because back in 2001 they ran one of mine. Yes, I actually phoned in a moan, and they printed it.
My moan was about people who don't know how to ride an escalator. I used to live at Shaker Square and I would take the rapid to work every day. Once I got to Terminal Tower, if I didn't run right out of the train, I'd get stuck behind all these idiots on the Tower City escalator who don't know or don't care that when you ride an escalator, you should stand to the right to allow people to walk to the left. And it doesn't just happen there. It happens at the airport too, where people who travel ought to know better.
Heck, it happened to me at Target just the other day. I'm trying to round up the last of my items and these two able bodied young women are riding the escalator side by side instead of standing right. This isn't Geauga Lake, people. It isn't a thrill ride. It is just a means to an end, a conduit.
In other cities, larger cities, east coast cities, people get this. The ones that don't are tourists or idiots. And when I lived in DC, and people did this on the Metro escalators, I would take a tone with them like the other locals. "Excuse me! Stand right! Excuse you! Fucking tourist."
And maybe they learned from the experience, or maybe they didn't get it. Maybe they didn't understand why people kept yelling at them. Even when I yelled, I don't claim that I was trying to reason with them or educate them in the traditional way. I was just trying to get them to move over, and it worked every time.
But looking at some of this week's moans -- some of them aren't even that coherent.
"Can we do something about the idiots that sit at ballgames with cell phones in their hand, waving at people all the time? I think they should throw them out for causing interference." - Eastlake
I think of interference as doing something to affect the game -- such as throwing your cell phone at someone on the field of play. But somehow, someone talking on the phone and waiving at someone else several sections over somehow ruins this guy's ability to enjoy a baseball game. You know what this guy should do? Hold his breath, lest he breathe in the air exhaled by other men.
This is priceless:
"To the North Olmsted moaner who referred to the smoking ban as reminiscent of Nazi Germany: The smoking ban is actually democracy in its purest form; the people given the right to vote on something they want. I don't think the people of Nazi Germany were given that opportunity; so now who is the moron? - Parma Heights
You are the moron, Parma Heights. The German people elected the Nazis to the Reichstag. Hitler, as chancellor, invoked Article 48 of the Weimar constitution to suspend civil rights after the fire at the Reichstag, and he ruled by decree. Yes, this summary leaves out the passage of the Enabling Act, etc. but you get my point: The people elected the Nazis to the German parliament, and the Nazis used the color of law and democracy to pass anti-democratic measures democratically and subvert the democracy.
"Shame, shame, shame on Orrville police. My grandson and I were belted in and were pulled over for a check. I get a ticket because they changed the rules. You have to be 4 years old to sit in a booster seat. Scared the heck out of my grandson and he saw his grandfather cry, and I got a ticket to boot." - Seville
This is another one of those moans that is borderline incoherent. You have to be four years old to sit in a booster seat? What, was the kid 15 and sitting in a booster seat? Or do you actually mean that the kid should have been seated in a booster seat but wasn't? In which case, how is it the policeman's fault -- that he enforced the law? And how did he make you cry? So you are some wussy crybaby grandpa who doesn't follow the law, and this is the Orrville's police's fault. Fine lesson you've taught your grandson there. Idiot.
"It is just a shame that some of our great athletes in the city cannot set an example by marrying the girls they get pregnant." - Rocky River
So LeBron is having a second baby with his girlfriend. The same girlfriend who is the mama of his first baby. And so this moaner is complaining that LeBron should marry his baby mama. I say,
Labels: Tuesday Talkback