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    Monday, June 04, 2007

    The State Approved WHAT? No Touching, Unless...

    I finally took a look at Senate Bill 16 -- the so called "no touching" strip club law. You can read it HERE.

    It turns out there is an exception to the no touching rule. I am not sure if I should be surprised, or if the southern Ohioans who pushed this thing through are revealing something about their own "family values."

    Caveat: This is NOT LEGAL ADVICE.

    Revised Code 2907.40(C) provides:

    (1) No patron who is not a member of the employee's immediate family shall knowingly touch any employee while that employee is nude or seminude or touch the clothing of any employee while that employee is nude or seminude.

    (2) No employee who regularly appears nude or seminude on the premises of a sexually oriented business, while on the premises of that sexually oriented business and while nude or seminude, shall knowingly touch a patron who is not a member of the employee's immediate family or another employee who is not a member of the employee's immediate family or the clothing of a patron who is not a member of the employee's immediate family or another employee who is not a member of the employee's immediate family or allow a patron who is not a member of the employee's immediate family or another employee who is not a member of the employee's immediate family to touch the employee or the clothing of the employee.


    I bet you can see where this is going.

    But it gets better...

    Revised Code 2907.40(E) provides:

    (E) Whoever violates division (C) of this section is guilty of illegal sexually oriented activity in a sexually oriented business. If the offender touches a specified anatomical area of the patron or employee, or the clothing covering a specified anatomical area, a violation of division (C) of this section is a misdemeanor of the first degree. If the offender does not touch a specified anatomical area of the patron or employee, or the clothing covering a specified anatomical area, a violation of division (C) of this section is a misdemeanor of the fourth degree.

    And just because you want to know what the "specified anatomical areas" are, R.C. 2907.40(A)(16) defines them:

    (16) "Specified anatomical areas" includes human genitals, pubic region, and buttocks and the human female breast below a point immediately above the top of the areola.

    So, it is a fourth degree misdemeanor to shake a strippers hand if she is nude or seminude. And a first degree misdemeanor to make contact with her nipple -- or indeed, to make contact with even the very bottom of her breast well under her nipple...

    ...UNLESS...

    ...she is a member of your immediate family.

    So, if your sister/mother/daughter is a stripper, have fun! The new law does not apply to you!

    And while strippers can't touch each other -- the law makes an exception if they are members of the immediate family. So a girl on girl show is still ok, as long as they are both sisters. Or brothers, or siblings, I suppose.

    Leave it to those southern Ohioans to make this incestuous loophole in the law. Note that it is "immediate family." So, that hottie third cousin you met at the reunion at the firehall probably doesn't make the cut. Play it safe, and go with your sister.

    AGAIN ... this is NOT LEGAL ADVICE. If you want to go out to a sexually oriented business and get an up-close and personal lap dance from an immediate family member who works there, contact an attorney for a consultation.

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    Comments on "The State Approved WHAT? No Touching, Unless..."

     

    Blogger MrsTito said ... (11:35 AM, June 05, 2007) : 

    labels: hot sister on sister action

    Plan on writing more blog entries with that tag?

     

    Anonymous jbnimble said ... (4:43 PM, June 06, 2007) : 

    I like the bit about not touching clothing on nude people... I haven't lived in Ohio in a while, but has the definition of "nude" been altered since I've been gone?

    And is there a definition of "semi-nude" somewhere in the law? I mean, under our clothes, aren't we all nude?

     

    Blogger Audient said ... (6:51 AM, June 07, 2007) : 

    The new statute cross references O.R.C. 2907.39 for those definitions:

    (10) “Nudity,” “nude,” or “state of nudity” means the showing of the human male or female genitals, pubic area, vulva, anus, anal cleft, or cleavage with less than a fully opaque covering; or the showing of the female breasts with less than a fully opaque covering of any part of the nipple.

    (12) “Seminude” or “state of seminudity” means a state of dress in which opaque clothing covers not more than the genitals, pubic region, and nipple of the female breast, as well as portions of the body covered by supporting straps or devices.

     

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