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    Monday, February 12, 2007

    A Confession about Me and Anna Nicole

    I remember the first time I saw her. It seemed like any other ordinary day, except that fateful trip to to the Bowling Green Dairy Mart in late April 1992. She was newly behind the counter for the month of May. She was with Elizabeth Ward Gracen (Amanda from Highlander the series). I did not know her then, but I liked what I saw, and I took her home with me. She went by Vickie back then, and her hobbies included "couch-potato-ing" -- which she and I did together for the better part of that weekend, with the chain up on the door. That and reading the Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller features.

    Over the years, she's wandered back in my life: PMOY 1993 was the first time. And then she'd appear here and there and again in various states of undress. A woman like Anna Nicole could not be tied down. Nothing could restrain her -- certainly no brassiere. And while the poor thing could could be tragic and trashy, so was, I confess, our relationship.

    And this is where it all gets complicated. With her passing last week, she left a lot of things in disarray.

    Zsa Zsa's husband may be an opportunistic cad, but there was one thing he said that was on the money. He said there may be twenty or even thirty of us who may be the father of that kid. Given that millions of us saw her starkers in the privacy of our own homes and dorm rooms, I would guess that the prince's number is a touch on the low side.

    I am here today to go on the record, that yes, the kid might be mine.

    I'm not doing this for the money. No, quite the opposite. The Marshall family can be assured that I am seeking nothing from them. But if that baby is mine, then I want it to grow up in a relatively normal and stable home. And while "normal" may not seem like something I could offer -- just look at the other would be baby's daddies. I'm a freakin' paragon of virtue.

    Comments on "A Confession about Me and Anna Nicole"

     

    Blogger anne said ... (10:02 AM, February 12, 2007) : 

    Great post!

    You have such a sordid past, Audient. What other secrets are you hiding under the mattress?

     

    Blogger Brian Kornell said ... (12:32 PM, February 12, 2007) : 

    I bet you and Gina can't wait to bring Dannilynn home. Will Tito help change diapers?

     

    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (1:43 PM, February 12, 2007) : 

    Dannielyn will join siblings, Tito and Lola.

    I expect paparazzi in large SUVs snapping pics of us carrying carriers for both the feline and human members of the family.

     

    Anonymous Kathleen said ... (3:49 PM, February 12, 2007) : 

    I suspect that Tito will suffer a major case of sibling rivalry once you bring the baby home.

     

    Blogger anne said ... (4:03 PM, February 13, 2007) : 

    Aw, you're taking Dannilyn! That's awesome! Stupid Tank. Hating all other animals and humans except me. I can't help it he's so smitten he doesn't like to share me.

     

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