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    Tuesday, December 19, 2006

    Tuesday Talkback

    Good tidings they bring? No, moanings they bring. And I talk back.

    "Read this slowly. You don't have to stop when going in the opposite direction of a school bus on a four-lane or more road." -- Parma

    Read this slowly? You're from Parma. If you can read, that's how you read.

    "Rude jerks in the audience at St. Raphael Church at the Christmas concert. This is something maybe that will translate. Sit down, shut up and listen. We couldn't hear the kids because of all your babbling.' " -- Bay Village

    Translate? Chances are you are better off not actually having heard the little screaching booger eaters. But if mattered that much, you would have told them so at the time. You don't have to suffer in silence -- tell them to be quiet. It is that simple. Telling them now gets you nothing.

    "People have been complaining about the commercialization of Christmas. We have reached a new low with the blow-up figures which have been appearing on the lawns the last few years. Blown up they are ugly, but when they are deflated, they are absolutely depressing. Please look at them and wonder how they are expressing the beauty of Christmas." -- Strongsville

    I hate those blow-up figures too. Who do you think has been running around deflating them? One blow dart later, and blow-up yard decor goes from hideous to hysterical.

    "The incompetent person at a suburban Social Security office who lost my original birth certificate, one from Germany, and doesn't even have the courtesy to return a phone call or write me a letter of apology." -- Cleveland

    Write you a letter of apology? Are you serious? Unless there is an official form that generates one, forget it.

    "It's the shopping season and I'm so distressed that some of the parking lots have no designated sign on the poles. I don't know where I'm at." -- Mentor

    Earth. That's where you are, or as you would say it, where you are at. (ugh)

    "To the Jeep driver from Brunswick. Get a clue. That means that your headlights aren't aligned properly and you're blinding oncoming traffic. That should be a hint that it needs to go back to the dealer." -- Chagrin Falls

    Already took care of this last week, but thanks for playing, Chagrin Falls.

    "Cleveland is a city of poverty, unemployment and high crime. Yet, our councilmen, our inept councilmen, are spending their time on trans fat. Voters, wise up." -- Cleveland

    Poverty, unemployment, high crime -- no easy fixes. Trans fat ban -- easy. Any questions?

    "I can't believe that I had to call Dominion East Ohio to request the lower rate they advertised for gas. Yet, no one has to call when they increase the rate." -- Maple Heights

    I suppose if Zeppe's has a special on pizza, you'd like them to deliver that without your asking for it, too?

    "Boo, hiss, on the local radio station that offers discounts on restaurant gift certificates. There are enough restrictions on the redemption of these discounted gift certificates to choke an elephant." -- Brook Park

    Oh, you mean like they are no good on Friday or Saturday night? I don't know what the restrictions actually are, but it would come as no surprise to me that the restaurants are trying to get people in at off-peak times, and thus the restrictions. That said, quit complaining -- you get what you pay for. And if elegant dining at 3am on Tuesday is not for you, well then...

    "The person who took my 10- year- old granddaughter's Browns jacket from Dave and Busters in Westlake." -- Brooklyn

    Actually, your granddaughter left it in a stall in the ladies room. She was just too embarassed to keep wearing that thing, and can you blame her? Even a 10 year old has a little pride.

    "I wish, when the government reported an X' amount of new jobs created, that they told us what they were." -- Streetsboro

    The list would look something like this:
    3 pizza delivery drivers at Zeppe's
    2 grave diggers
    1 personal body hair remover for celebrities who get upskirted getting out of limos
    1 secretary of defense

    "It's a shame that Cadillacs are not equipped with turn signals." -- Seven Hills

    More proof that Cadillacs are just dressed up Buicks.

    "To the idiot in the royal blue SUV who sideswiped my new car." -- Rocky River

    It is good to get the first scratch behind you. Just another service offered by these asshole SUV drivers.

    "The department stores that don't provide mirrors in the hat departments." -- Willoughby

    Yeah, I don't get that either. Buy your hat someplace else.

    "What did the Dutch company have in mind when they closed all the Tops markets in the neighborhoods where seniors and disabled people depend on shopping during the holidays?" -- East Cleveland

    First of all, you cheapen it when you mention the holidays. Seniors and disabled people, I've noticed, actually need to eat ALL YEAR. And I'll tell you what Royal Ahold [A-Hole'd?] had in mind when it closed all the Tops stores in Ohio -- the bottom line. That is what companies do. That is their purpose. You need to understand that. Companies, even companies that provide goods and services, are not there for YOU. They are there to MAKE MONEY. And they weren't making money here. Why? Because Tops had the shittiest grocery stores around, and almost anyone who had a choice didn't shop there.

    Still, in some places this might have been the only store in the neighborhood, and thus, better than nothing. That is sad, and too bad. And yes, there was a Tops right in my neighborhood that is gone too, and for the time being, the space sits empty. The Tops on the edge of East Cleveland has been purchased by one Steve Rogers, who apparently used to own the old Super Valu markets on the east side back in the 70s and 80s. I never shopped at one, so I have no idea what you're in for. Except for this: he'll do it if he can make it work and make a buck at it. Otherwise, he won't. Just like every other business.


    Comments on "Tuesday Talkback"


    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:52 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    I drive an SUV and have not hit anyone with it. Also I have my headlights adjusted so as to iluminate the road on not oncoming drivers. I think you have become over reaching in your comments regarding SUV drivers.
    Also,, the Tops that was at Ceder Center was a fine store and was usally well stocked and had sort of nice people working there. The one at Severence was an abomination.
    I do not find any other store any better or worse without having to pay higher prices that do not equal the improved service.


    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (9:00 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    There are motorized blow up decorations too.

    I like when several of them in the same yard are deflated in a heap.


    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:37 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    I am just imagining Audient driving through suburban neighborhoods with a blow dart, shooting out blow-up decorations and cackling maniacally.

    And, by the way, a certain someone was oohing and aahing over not one but TWO motorized blow-up snow globes in one yard on the way to Melt on Sunday. I'm not saying who, but I was in the car, and she was quivering joyfully, is all I'm saying.


    Blogger Audient said ... (9:40 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    The Tops at Cedar Center -- I got some bad salmon there once, then some bad pork there after that. Once I quit buying meat there, I rarely went there for anything else.


    Blogger Kristen said ... (9:48 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    If you aren't in love with blow up snow globes I don't think you're human! Why the hell are people bitching about something so dumb? It's fricking decorations.


    Blogger MrsTito said ... (10:02 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    The blow up decorations give people in Florida a chance to use their generators twice a year.


    Anonymous L-cubed said ... (11:09 AM, December 19, 2006) : 

    Apparently you aren't the only person who feels this way about blow up holiday figures.
    Click on the video link labeled "Snowman attacked by vandals". It was on the today show this morning. Entertaining, for those of us that don't like those things...


    Blogger Audient said ... (10:56 AM, December 20, 2006) : 

    And if you drive an SUV for work-related reasons, that is different than these soccer moms who don't know how to drive even a Corolla, then cut loose on our roads driving vehicles the size of a small house.


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