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    Tuesday, December 05, 2006

    Tuesday Talkback

    Tis the season for Monday Moaning and Tuesday Talkback.

    "I'm furious! Eric Clapton, just like the Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney before, is not playing Cleveland. It is time to tear down the Rock Hall. We built that worthless museum and we don't even get the ceremonies or musicians." - North Royalton

    Concert promoters need to learn that putting a major act in Columbus as the lone Ohio stop is insufficient. Columbus is not "close enough." Cleveland is not in the Columbus metropolitan area (if there is such a thing). And for the same reason, I don't give a damn about the NHL Blue Jackets either.

    "If auto makers and auto dealers adjusted the headlights on cars, driving would be a lot safer at night and pleasant." - Rocky River

    Um, they'll do that, if you just ask.

    "Myself, along with a number of other neighbors, are annoyed with having to redirect mail after our mailman mis-delivers." - Seven Hills

    The old lady up the street get your latest copy of "Leg Show" again?

    "I'm 74 years old and I have exercised for years, watched what I ate and stayed in shape because I was too cheap to buy new clothes. After all that, I have had a stroke, a blocked artery, and open heart surgery. What am I doing wrong?" - Middleburg Heights

    Bad genes! You picked the wrong parents. You ate right, exercised, and you are going to die anyway. Life sucks, but for you, not too much longer.

    "TV comedy shows are all about sex and are not funny. No wonder they rank so low in the ratings." - Broadview Heights

    They rank low in the ratings because I don't watch them either.

    "Shame on all the Cleveland TV stations that could not show the Christmas tree lighting in its entirety." - Cleveland

    In its entirety? What's to see? Throw the switch, the tree is on. Did you want real time coverage of the tree being decorated? Don't you have a gerbil to play with or something?

    "Parents and grandparents who allow small children to visit patients and nursing homes while they have bad colds. Don't they know better?" - Parma Heights

    You think those kids want to be there either? Naw, kids don't want to see your Aunt Wilma, who they never knew, eat pudding through a straw. "You should get to know your Auntie Wilma, she had such a vibrant life." Yeah, had. Oh, it is sad, I know. But you gotta wonder, if the kids are sick and parents are taking them to the nursing home, if maybe, just maybe, there is an ulterior motive? No, no, no, who would do such a thing to poor pudding sucking Aunt Wilma who has so much to live for?

    "Why can't the Galleria managers put garbage cans in front of the building? It's a pig sty." - Cleveland

    Garbage cans attract... garbage. Nothing says welcome to a building like a big can of trash and better yet, someone going though it looking for treasure. And by the way, there are plenty of trash cans inside the Galleria.

    "Right or wrong, drunk or sober, let's not ever lose our freedom of speech." - Broadview Heights

    Fight for your right to par-tay! WTF? Calling Monday Moaning is how Tom Coyne blew his one phone call?

    "If politicians and our governor would show as much concern about getting illegal guns, and the people who own them, off the street as they do about law-abiding citizens with permits carrying them, there would really be a drop in crime." - Garfield Heights

    Because without guns there would be no crime...? If only it were that simple.

    "All of the professional athletes should be paid a base salary of say $100,000 a year and at the end of each season, they should get their merit pay and bonus pay." - Cleveland

    Hahahaha, no one wants to pay that much to track and field athletes.

    "What is happening to our beloved Holiday songs and carols? My ears and my heart hurt the way they are being sung today. These flash-in-the-pans need to learn music and sing the score as written. The Rockefeller Christmas show was a disgrace." - No city

    I didn't watch the Rockefeller Christmas Show this year, so I have no idea what happened there. And don't you mean "flashes-in-the-pan"? But your heart hurt? And watching Aunt Wilma eat pudding through a straw had nothing to do with it?

    "Any radio station stupid enough to think that anyone wants to hear an entire month of nothing but Christmas music." - Kirtland

    Because the regular programming was just so good.

    "With all the changes and confusion in voting and voting machines, it would appear to be a tendency to scare off the senior voters. Mmmm . . . I smell a rat." - Middleburg Heights

    I am sure that's what it is! Disenfranchising anyone scared by an ATM or a touchscreen. Those horseless carriages and flying machines sure are scary too. And penicillin. But really, you just noticed that these new machines are a problem? And you think that this is targeting seniors? These machines suck for everybody.

    "People who walk double file on the wrong side of the street when there are sidewalks. At least walk on the right side of the street and wear clothing that will show up in the dark." - Twinsburg

    Did you feel that bump? I didn't see anything. I hope that wasn't someone's pet.


    Comments on "Tuesday Talkback"


    Blogger Gina Ventre said ... (10:16 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    "Fight for your right to par-tay! WTF? Calling Monday Moaning is how Tom Coyne blew his one phone call?"

    Well played, Audient.

    The article about Tom Coyne passing out on a lawn in Westlake was how I found out about an awesome Mexican restaurant - Nuevo Acapulco. Apparently those margaritas pack a punch!


    Blogger Kristen said ... (10:31 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    I think we should have a contest this week where we all call in a moan and see who can get in the paper and if Michael can guess who it was.


    Anonymous Evil John said ... (11:15 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    Careful, Kristen. I think you'll find that being as petty, stupid, and ignorant as most of the Moaners is harder than it looks. Most people need years of non-training and stultifying* TV-viewing to achieve that _frisson_ of anomie** that results in a Monday Moan.

    Sorry, but I doubt Michael's readers have got the chops for it.

    *Hey, it's a real word! I just guessed, and it's really a word! Kudos to me.

    **And I used the word "anomie". My Soc. 101 instructor would be so proud. I shall write her immediately.


    Blogger Christine said ... (11:35 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    My favorite part of this week's cavalcade of moanery was "Mmmm...I smell a rat." Apparently rats are a regional delicacy confined to Middleburg Heights, because I don't recall ever picking up rat-on-a-stick or a polish rat sausage from one of the street carts downtown.....


    Blogger Kristen said ... (11:47 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    It's adorable how evil John is giving me so much more credit than I deserve. Thanks!


    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:51 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    I'm 31 yrs old, I don't exercise, I don't eat healthy, I'm constantly stressed, I'm overweight, I drink too much, don't get enough sleep, and I'm perfectly healthy. Low cholesterol, perfect blood pressure, no diabetes or heart problems.

    Suck it, Middleburg Heights!


    Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:52 AM, December 05, 2006) : 

    I'm all for the contest.


    Blogger melcarrel said ... (11:01 PM, December 06, 2006) : 

    I would think the parents of those little kids visiting Aunt Wilma would be more worried about the kids catching something from the nursing home!

    OOOO, Gina, anytime you want to go to Nuevo Acapulco, I'm in!!!! I'll just stay at the parents that night to recover from the margaritas!


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