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    Tuesday, October 24, 2006

    Tuesday Talkback

    They don't stop moaning -- I just keep on talking back.

    "Shame on you for taking my husband's London Fog jacket while we were at the Westlake Senior Center getting our flu shots." - Westlake

    Who, me? But the problem with the ubiquitous London Fog jacket is how they all look alike. Someone probably put it on and left, thinking it was their coat. They are practically interchangeable. Next time, just pick one off the rack that approximates the coat you came in with -- and make sure you don't keep the keys to your Buick in the pocket.

    "Why is it when I go to a certain major electronic store, I walk around and get harassed by people asking me if they can help me, and then when I go to Customer Service, I'm waiting for a half an hour because they've got only one person working there?" - Parma

    Maybe you scowling at them on the floor scared them all off. Next time, when someone asks if they can help you, treat them like your personal shopper. Ask them where you can find X, then ask them questions, then get them to carry it around for you -- all the way up to the check out line.

    "I'm calling about these very rude, inconsiderate people in grocery stores who park their cart right in the middle of an aisle, move down a few feet to take a look at the merchandise and just leave their cart sitting there and you can't get around it. Or the ones who see a friend or neighbor and start chatting in the middle of an aisle and no one can get around them. Why don't they realize that they're not in their living rooms and they should MOVE?" - Cleveland

    The grocery store is a great place to meet people who wouldn't just wander into your living room. This is especially true if you hang out in the aisle where the "family planning" items are stocked. Next time, just push their cart out of your way -- if they are really so oblivious, they won't even notice. Or add stuff to their carts. Or join into the conversation. And insist on being a part of it until they hurry away.

    "My moan is to the person who stole the flowers out of the funeral home in Lakewood after my mother's funeral. My mother always saw the good in everybody. I wonder what she would say to this." - Lakewood

    She would say, oh they probably needed those flowers more than I did. It is hard to know exactly how someone might need a floral arrangement. Except that it was just Sweetest Day. Nothing says Happy Sweetest Day like a hot funeral floral arrangement. Next time, I suggest your mother avoid dying so soon to a holiday that is celebrated in part by exchanging flowers. For similar reasons, I also urge avoiding dying around Halloween.

    "Why do credit card companies send me things in the mail that I have absolutely no use for? They sent me something that says I have earned 7,200 tokens to buy magazines and jewelry. I don't need magazines and jewelry. I need my interest rates lowered." - Mayfield Heights

    They send you things that you have absolutely no use for because you buy things that you have absolutely no use for. Next time, Mr. Mayfield, don't use your credit card to buy Virgin Mary lawn ornaments or the three month subscription to And if you want your interest rates lowered, call them up and demand it, or take your business elsewhere.

    "Montel Williams, we hear you. The drug companies gave away $5 billion worth of drugs to people who needed them. That's their retail price. Their actual cost to make them, etc., was probably under a million dollars. Be truthful now." - Parma

    So, I understand that Montel is the spokesman of a patient assistance clearinghouse that has helped 1.2 million Americans get prescription drugs. I see he is also a proponent of medical marijuana. Next time, why don't you moan that Montel has not given you an ounce of prevention, because he's too busy pushing a pound of cure?

    "I'm sick of all the young punks who damage property, steal, hurt and kill people. The police and the courts are too lenient. I think they should put them in the military and ship them to Iraq. Then, we'll see how cool they are." - Garfield Heights

    The military doesn't want young punks. They aren't a reformatory. They only want people who want to be there. Shaking down an old lady hoping she has a little package from Montel is not the recipe for a good soldier. Next time you want to get even with young punks, join the military or CIA yourself, and get yourself assigned to an interrogation unit.

    "Shame on the Toys R Us employee who was asked by my 22-year-old disabled daughter to count her money, then kept $10! I'm scared for the next person who trusts you." - Shaker Heights

    Instead of getting this employee's manager involved, instead of getting the police involved -- you call Monday Moaning? Is that what you would do if your daughter had consumed some poison? Forget 911, just call the paper and moan about how easy it was to open the jar? Next time, try doing something that will make a difference to advance the interests of your daughter.

    "Parma has placed a 'No Right On Red' turn sign at State and Pleasant Valley roads. After many years of complaints and a police scandal, the sign was removed. The school that was there closed many years ago. Is this how they attempt to supplement their police funding because they can't pass a police issue because of their previous scandalous activities?" - Parma

    So there was a sign, then there wasn't a sign, now there is a sign again? Perhaps the sign disappeared at the hands of young punks from Garfield Heights? Perhaps a Toys R Us employee took it? Perhaps it was Montel? Or the guy who took the jacket and the flowers? Next time, just wait for the light to turn green before turning.

    "People were force to stand in long lines for almost two hours to get their flu shots at the Kaiser HMO in Parma on a cold and windy morning before reaching shelter. Some were with canes, walkers and in wheelchairs. What were they thinking when they limited flu shots to only three hours?" - Parma Heights

    They were thinking, you old bastards have nothing better to do but wait in line out in the cold for your precious flu shot. And you thought the weather was cold! Next time, get there early, and steal a London Fog jacket beforehand so you can stay nice and warm.


    Comments on "Tuesday Talkback"


    Blogger Christine said ... (8:30 AM, October 24, 2006) : 

    Do you know I had no idea that Sweetest Day was a regional thing until just now? I realized I'd forgotten about it, having been away these past few years.... I just asked my boyfriend (of Troy, Ohio) and he said he'd never heard of it until moving to Akron. Fascinating!


    Blogger Audient said ... (8:37 AM, October 24, 2006) : 

    Oh yeah. Sweetest Day is an American Greetings holiday -- and AG is based here in Cleveland.

    I don't believe in it myself.


    Blogger Stephanie said ... (10:54 AM, October 24, 2006) : 

    My roommates - neither of whom are from NEO - asked me what the hell all this Sweetest Day crap was they kept seeing all over town. They outright laughed when I explained that it was like a secondary Valentines Day. Then I explained the AG connection and it all made sense.

    I think we should all be able to just make up holidays at will. That could get interesting.


    Blogger Audient said ... (11:44 AM, October 24, 2006) : 

    Random One Night Stand Day

    Help Yourself to Someone Else's Car Day.

    Heavy Narcotics Day

    Punch that Co-worker Who Desperately Need Punching Day

    Election Day


    Blogger Betty said ... (2:43 PM, October 24, 2006) : 

    Kiss My Ass Day!!!!!!!!!


    Blogger Matt said ... (8:17 PM, October 24, 2006) : 

    Make Your Co-Workers Listen to Prog Day


    Blogger MrsTito said ... (9:59 AM, October 25, 2006) : 

    We had the so-called Sweetest Day in Columbus, and it was celebrated here in Florida too. Not by me of course because I haven't gotten a gift in 4 years from him, but by others. It seems to be catching on.


    Blogger anne said ... (10:08 AM, October 25, 2006) : 

    I had a London Fog coat when I was little. I hated it.

    Shut Up and Leave Me Alone Day

    Don't Make Fun of Me Day

    Ban on Political Ads Day


    Blogger John Stevens said ... (3:24 PM, November 18, 2006) : 

    Best day of course is your birthday!!!
    John Stevens


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