ESC Covers Tuesday Talkback
|ESC fills in ... and here is his Talkback:|
"TV commercials showing a car making a jackrabbit start, traveling at a high rate of speed and then slamming on the brakes. A fine example for our young drivers to see." - Parma
This was obviously written by someone very old and driving a Buick 40MPH in the left lane. Young people like to drive fast. Young people have money to burn on over-priced automobiles. Auto makers prefer to actually sell the cars they manufacture. Figure it out.
"How can somebody drive a car, talk on the phone, smoke a cigarette and make a turn? Put down the phone. Let's enforce that cell phone law." - Sagamore Hills
I'm sorry, what? I was drinking, smoking, talking on my phone, drinking a milk-shake and typing on my laptop while driving down 77 at 40MPH in the left lane. Figure out the number of appendages needed for these tasks and win a prize!
"I'm tired of the trend of several magazines having 15 to 20 pages before you get to the index for the actual content of the magazine." - Kirtland
Switch from the soft-core crap you are obviously reading and switch to real porn. The problem will solve itself.
"To whoever broke into my car and stole my library books about traveling and weddings. Could you please return them to the library on time?" - Cleveland
You're better off. Stay home and stay single, that way you can not only save your once-future spouse your incesant bitching, but the rest of the world as well.
"The proposed leasing of the Ohio Turnpike by Secretary of State Ken Blackwell is just another hare-brained idea. The billions of dollars in leasing fees will be passed along to the motorists in the payment of higher tolls, just as in the case of the Indiana Turnpike." - North Ridgeville
Stop bitching and just find another route. Don't want to add another whole ten minutes to your commute? Stay home and watch church on Channel 5...But wait...
"Channel 5 should be ashamed that they can't endorse any religious programs. They should be proud that they would stand for the word of God." - Maple Heights
Get your ass off the couch and drive to church! (Just don't take the turnpike.) Believe it or not, God was quite popular before the advent of television. Besides, maybe WEWS actually is endorsing religion by airing absolute crap and helping to eleviate sloth.
"To Judge Mabel Jasper: When was the last time you lived in the hood? We don't like drive-by shooters, even if they are A-students." - Cleveland
I like drive-by shooters. Thinning the heard I like to call it. Darwinism in its most post-modern incarnation. Besides, if they survived the public school system with all A's and the worst thing they do is a drive-by, I say they deserve a medal, not a jail sentence.
"To the United Church of Christ in Cleveland that wants to ban babies who cry in church. That is very inappropriate, in my opinion." - Cleveland
However, a screaming brat whailing at the top of their lungs during the sermon is much more appropriate. Keep your screaming ankle biter at home and watch church on channel 5... Oh wait.
"I work in a supermarket. Why did everyone wait until Memorial Day to do their shopping? Then they get in line and complain about waiting. Come on, you people. Half of you had four days to shop. Why wait until the last minute?" - Medina
I agree! What is with those damned customers buying things in your store and paying for your job. They should all just go to hell.
"The public TV stations have so many fund-raisers, why don't they just go commercial?" - Cleveland
They Wouldn't exactly be "public television" anymore. They'd be Channel 5.
"The people who have garage sales and price their stuff like it's worth gold. Your mindset is wrong. Garage sales are meant to get rid of your junk, not make money. And please don't put 'huge sale' in your ads, with only two little tables. It's a waste of my time and gas." - Highland Heights
Or, to put it another way, "I am a cheap garage-sale whore that doesn't like the fact that you value your own things. You should sell everything for five-cents and make my shallow scavaging existance mean something."
"Those horrible cottonwood trees people have in their yards should be cut down. Such a nuisance with all those white things blowing around. Winter is bad enough in the winter, not in June." - Parma Heights
Hoorah! Down with all trees. They are so inconsiderate with their cleaning the air and creating shade. Fell them all! We should all stop hugging the trees and start stranglling them!
"How do the addicts [and some times other people around them] on those intervention shows get away with doing drugs on national TV and not get arrested? Am I missing something here?" - Parma
Apparently you are missing the really good drugs. Then again, you do live in Parma.
Thank you, ESC! I nearly did a spit-take on the third one! -- Audient
Labels: Tuesday Talkback