|If you are a regular reader of The Plain Dealer, you know what "Monday Moaning" is. Throughout the week, PD readers may call 216-999-6463 and leave their anonymous gripes. The "best" ones run on page A2 every Monday.|
When they started this feature, I think it was in 2000 or 2001, I enjoyed it very much. I even got one of my gripes published in September 2001. As of late, it seems as if they are scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Below are the actual Monday Moanings from The Plain Dealer, with my responses.
"Why do grocery stores sell potatoes in only 5- or 10-pound bags? Some people can't use that many before some begin to rot. How much potato soup can a person stand?" -- East Cleveland
Where do you shop, grandma? Every store I go to has loose potatoes in the produce section. But even if your store doesn't, maybe you should try having your grandkids over for dinner once in awhile. Or maybe they hate you because you whine about things like this? You are lucky they haven't put you in a home yet.
"Why, oh why, did they allow a gas station to be placed on the corner of Hilliard Boulevard and Warren Road? Cars pulling out trying to get into the left-turn lane cross traffic, causing no end of danger and are hazardous to other drivers." -- Lakewood
Why did they allow a gas station on the corner? Are you kidding me? ANY gas station on a corner is going to have people pulling out and trying to get into the various lanes of traffic. Yet there are corner gas stations all over America. I know the intersection you're talking about, and it is not that unique. "Causing no end to danger"? Please, cut the melodramatic bullshit. Surely the danger ends sometime. But apparently not before you picked up the phone to moan, jackass.
"Shame on the buyers of instant lottery tickets, who after scratching off the cards, rip the cards up and just throw them around the parking lot. It's disgusting." --Parma Heights
Listen here, Parma Heights, the slogan for the Ohio Lottery is "Odds are, you'll have fun." Now think about that. The truth is, odds are, you are going to lose if you play the lottery. So consider this. If you play the Ohio Lottery:
- Odds are, you'll have fun; and
- Odds are, you'll lose; so
- Odds are, you are a loser and are so comfortable with that, you'll have fun.
But not really. In order to have the promised fun, lottery players tear their losing tickets into confetti and shower the parking lot at the Parma Heights Tops. If you think that's "disgusting," try shopping at the Tops at E 185th sometime. Yeeech. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat at a Tops deli again.
"What have we done to our Earth? We're eating plastic food, inhaling polluted air, forgetting empathy and communication and caring, because of electronic opium. The American Indians said we did not inherit the Earth from our forefathers -- we're borrowing it from our children. Why didn't we listen? -- Shaker Heights
Well, hippie, to answer your last question first, I'll tell you why we didn't listen to the Indians. Because we killed them and stole their land! You think that after that we are going to take their advice on how to take care of it? If they cared about their children getting the Earth, they would have scalped a few more European invaders and not succumbed to smallpox and syphilis, and not drunk whitey's firewater.
As for the "electronic opium" -- what exactly are you talking about? TV? Internet? Radio? Doc Johnson's battery operated marital aids? And because of these things we're eating plastic food? They should sell some of that plastic food up in East Cleveland, because plastic doesn't rot, not even in the 50-pound economy bag!
"Why is it that Marc's and Giant Eagle can get flu shots for their customers, but my own primary-care doctor cannot get flu shots for his patients?" -- Euclid
I'll tell you why. Because it isn't cost effective for your doctor to deal in penny-ante flu shots. You doctor loses money on each shot. He doesn't even break even on the shots. Not to mention that he loses all the opportunities to treat you if you don't get sick.
On the other hand, who the hell gets a flu shot at Marc's? Tyrone, clean up on aisle 3 -- then report to aisle 9 and bring the syringe. No thanks! Don't buy anything at Marc's that doesn't come in a well sealed can.
"My moan is about drivers who don't wave thank-you any more. Especially when you let somebody out in traffic and they're talking on the cell phone, they'll just pull out in front of you and they'll just keep on talking. Drives me nuts." -- Parma
I'll tell you why they don't wave. They have one hand on the phone and one hand on the steering wheel. If they wave, then that's no hands on the wheel! Duh, bad idea! And you're the dumbass for letting someone into traffic with a cell phone attached to his ear. Why are you giving that idiot any consideration? This is your own damn fault!
"The breed of dog misnamed pit bull is a good breed. They are strong, loyal, loving unless owned and trained by vicious handlers. Unless a dog is intrinsically sick, the handlers are the problem every time." -- Cleveland
If by "intrinsically sick" you mean "genetically predisposed to violently attacking babies and children and ripping their precious little faces off," then yes, I agree. Otherwise, you are an idiot. Go play in traffic -- preferably over at Hilliard and Warren.
"My beef is with RTA. When we had all the hot weather and humidity, they never ran the air conditioners on the buses. And when you tried to open the windows, they were locked. I called customer service about it, but nothing was done." -- Cleveland
I've got an idea. If you want the comfort of air conditioning, get off the bus and drive your own freaking car. Next you are going to want clean seats, drivers who aren't surly, and riders that don't smell like sulphur. What do you think $1.50 buys you? A trip to hell, with multiple stops at every bolgia, that's what.
"In the Super Lotto, a $1 ticket got you a chance at a $4 million prize. Now, in their wonderful new game, a $2 ticket gets you a chance at a $1 million prize. In other words, twice as much money for a chance at a quarter of as much prize. Did the Lottery Commission think that nobody would notice this?" -- Kirtland
Yeah, Kirtland, that's exactly right. People who play the lottery obviously don't understand the numbers, because if they did, they wouldn't play the lottery. It has been said repeatedly by others that the lottery is a tax on people who don't understand math. And if you say when you play that you are doing it for the schools, then try voting for a school levy for a change, or maybe becoming a math tutor. Quit acting like you are doing it for the kids when you tear up your losing tickets and toss them around the Parma Heights Tops parking lot, you loser.
Labels: Tuesday Talkback